Looking back on my experiences with chemsex, I’m honestly blown away by some of the things I did. I got up to some wild stuff. I won’t deny that I had some incredible sex while on chems—when I say incredible, I mean incredible. But I’ve also had amazing sex without them. If you asked me to compare, I’d say those experiences were all great in their own way. That doesn’t mean every sexual experience I’ve had—whether on chems or not—was amazing. In fact, I can probably count my top five on one hand.
One thing is certain: Will I ever be able to return to a normal, healthy sex life without chems? I’ve been clean for almost 140 days now, and the idea of sober sex still feels overwhelming. It scares me. Right now, sex without drugs feels incomplete. That’s something I need to work on—something that will take time and effort to overcome. But with time, healing, and the professional support I’m receiving, I know I can get there.
