I’m not fixed. I’m 2 years clean in October but I’m not fixed. I have a good job, I’m in a happy relationship, but I am lonely and I still have mental health struggles. I don’t see me in the mirror. I am struggling to accept myself. It is hard. Im out of the hustle and bustle of the city centre, life is peaceful and tranquil. Part of me wants that, but part of me doesn’t. I enjoy walking, I am doing lots of steps and recently have got back into running around my local area. I am lucky because my house backs onto some wonderful green fields. Im being more honest than ever before with my partner about how I feel. Addictive behaviours and patterns I can identify so easily and without controlling them, they do return. I am often getting impulsive behaviour which can be based around buying or wanting something. It can be tiring. On Friday I had a call with a local therapist because my last therapy came to an end and I have struggled to find a good therapist. They are expensive but think they can help. He said all of my addictive behaviours are just a side effect, and it starts from childhood. I’ve probably not tapped into my childhood deep enough yet. He is right, drugs absolutely were about dealing with self esteem, identity, anxiety and judgement.
Therapy
