Trying to balance work, friends, exercise, relationships, routine, hobbies, and that elusive thing called relaxation feels like spinning eight plates while someone keeps throwing more at you for fun. Focus too much on one, and suddenly you’ve forgotten what sleep is or why your social life has gone into witness protection.
Now I’m dealing with life on life’s terms—without drugs as my emotional airbag—and surprise! I can actually feel when I’m overwhelmed or stressed. It hits both the mind and the body like, “Hey! Remember me? I’m Anxiety, and I brought snacks.”
What’s weird is that ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to relate. I wasn’t using back then, so maybe I just didn’t have the emotional radar I have now. Like, was I overwhelmed and just powered through it with blissful ignorance? Or is it that, in recovery, you notice everything because you’re not chemically sedated anymore?
Honestly, being able to read your emotions is kind of a plot twist. Turns out I don’t need to outsource my feelings to drugs—I just need to listen to my body and maybe take a nap… or twelve. I mean, wasn’t that what I was chasing with chemsex anyway? A fast-forward button through feelings?
