There are many reasons why we turn to chemsex. For some, it begins with attending sex parties. Others may have addictive tendencies and constantly seek more—more pleasure, more escape. Some of us are simply experimenting. And many carry trauma, struggle with confidence, or grapple with identity—particularly within the LGBTQ+ community, where sex can feel like a central currency. That pressure can make it difficult to feel “normal” or truly ourselves, especially when internalised homophobia complicates everything.
For me, drugs were empowering at first. They allowed me to hyper-focus on sex, to numb emotional pain, to feel like I had purpose—something to do, something to be. Most of all, I dissociated. On drugs, I could appear confident, sexy, even happy. I could shut off the noise and escape the weight of life.
But that disconnection came at a price. The destructive side of my chemsex use annihilated my health, my sense of self, my relationships, my stability—everything good in my life, really.
Today, I’m celebrating over a year in recovery. Life does get better. The obsession fades. Recovery stops being the only thing you think about, and you begin to simply live—and even enjoy life again.
