I’ve always been on high alert, constantly assessing the risk of everything around me. Anxiety has been my constant companion, making it impossible to ever feel truly at ease. The only time I ever felt calm was when I was on drugs, but that’s a place I’m never going back to. Now, I’m learning to deal with being on edge without relying on substances.
When I think about it, my anxiety is at the root of all of this—this fear of threats that aren’t really there, the endless worrying about things that don’t matter. I can’t remember the last time I walked down the street without feeling like an anxious mess. Even when I thought I was happy, I wasn’t. Without the drugs, I was someone I didn’t recognize—a liar, impulsive, quick to blame others, never taking responsibility for my actions.
But now, I’m working on myself. I’m identifying my fears, unlocking each one, and facing them head-on. It’s a refreshing, albeit challenging, process. The day I can walk down the street without a care in the world is the day I’m looking forward to, and I know it will happen. I’m on the road to recovery, and today marks day 30.
Every step I take now is a step closer to the peace I’ve been searching for. This journey isn’t easy, but I’m committed to it. I’m committed to myself.
