For those new to my blog, this is my personal journey of recovery from a chemsex drug addiction—a chapter of my life that nearly killed me.
I’m now approaching 130 days clean since my last relapse. At my worst, I was smoking crystal meth daily, using GHB, and sniffing mephedrone (MCAT). During that time, my addiction took a toll not just on my mind but also on my body. I struggled with my appearance as the weight and muscle loss changed me completely. I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror. No matter how many pictures I took, I never looked like me. The person I once was felt lost.
Now, with 130 days clean, I’m still struggling with how I see myself. I’m having to get used to what I actually look like, beyond the distortions of addiction. The paranoia and self-consciousness haven’t just disappeared—they have to be managed carefully. In the depths of my using, I forgot who I was. And now, in recovery, I’m learning how to find myself again.
Because recovery isn’t just about quitting the drugs—it’s about rediscovering who you are. And that, in many ways, is even harder than quitting itself.
