Never blame yourself for the mess you’re in. It won’t change anything, and blaming others won’t help either. You made a mistake, and the only way forward is to accept it and move on. Yes, I know that’s easier said than done, but if you keep dwelling on guilt, you’re just wasting precious time. Life is short—make the most of the time you have left to live it happily.
Instead of focusing on blame, use your energy to figure out why things went wrong. Understand what triggered your decisions. What led you to chemsex in the first place? Maybe it was that group sex party you found on Grindr, advertised as HnH, PnP, or HH. Whatever it was, you know deep down why you went. Loneliness. The drugs became a way to numb that loneliness, and the sex was just part of the equation.
But make no mistake: chemsex is dangerous. If you’re still in denial about that, it’s time to face the truth. I’ve seen firsthand the damage it causes. In Manchester, I’ve witnessed young men fall unconscious from GHB. I’ve been there too—knocked out by GHB, with people taking advantage of me while I was barely conscious. It seems absurd now, almost laughable. But yes, I was legally raped. And I know why it happened.
Loneliness. Unhappiness. Isolation. I struggled to maintain friendships or relationships, couldn’t relax, couldn’t find peace within myself. Drugs offered an escape, altering my mind and pushing me to do things I never would have done sober. Now, I can barely even think about sex. The idea repulses me, and I don’t even want to touch myself.
This journey is hard, but understanding why it happened is a step toward healing. Don’t waste your time on blame—focus on finding your way back to a life that makes you happy.
