Many of us have faced short-term or long-term addictions. We’re born male or female, with a variety of sexualities, and some of us engage in these struggles online or in person. Some people seek help multiple times a day, others a couple of times a week, or not at all. One thing is certain: the stories we share are relatable and familiar.
The meetings I attend are based on the Big Book, originally written for Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), and many adaptations exist. Today marks my 18th day of recovery. I’m using an app to track my progress, but it seems to calculate days in an odd way. Just to clarify, I last used on July 30th at 9 PM, which makes it 18 days clean, despite the app’s inconsistencies.
I’ve attended several meetings based on different adaptations of the Big Book and exchanged numbers with a few people. One person I connected with blocked me during their relapse and later unblocked me. When I asked why, they admitted they felt guilty. After some gentle probing, they opened up about their feelings. I understand; people relapse—I’ve relapsed too, just 18 days ago. I’m working on myself. While I care about this person, I’ve been blocked again for expressing that this behavior doesn’t align with my values.
On another note, I recently mentioned someone who doubted my ability to recover without attending meetings. I’m simply approaching recovery in my own way.
There’s also an expectation to make regular contact with others in the community. For me, this feels draining, tedious, and inauthentic. Friendships can’t be forced.
