I deeply value authenticity, especially during my struggle with chemsex addiction, when the meaning of being genuine took on a whole new significance. Every minute I spent waiting for him to arrive at my flat—if he showed up even a minute earlier than promised—my trust in him, and in myself, grew. It was like each small sign of reliability became a marker of authenticity.
However, drugs can also make me inauthentic. I’ve lied about my name, my job, even where I live. These lies often stem from comparing myself to others, feeling the need to present a different version of who I am. Most importantly, I’ve even lied about my substance use before, during, or after a sexual encounter. Sometimes, men leave without ever knowing that when they were with me, I was intoxicated.
But some guys have a deeper emotional intelligence, often because they’ve been through their own journey of addiction and recovery. It takes a wise gay man to recognize another who’s been through it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
